I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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