my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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