I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
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beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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