No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
