did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
