Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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