when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
