so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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