then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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