I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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