YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
