my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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