i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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