the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
