I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
