there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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