she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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