he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
