Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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