Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
