I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
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I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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