There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
