I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
