If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
