I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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