I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's great music for shaving your balls
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
