You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
