and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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