sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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