i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
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John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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