Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
