please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
