That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dicks are not precious.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
