I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
