Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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