I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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