I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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