I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
