Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
