first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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