I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
