Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
