Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
