you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
