Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
