Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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