Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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