I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
