see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
did i just pee glitter
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
