if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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