watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
