And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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