So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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