Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
