dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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