and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
50% drunk capacity currently
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
