I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
