He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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