I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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