Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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