Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think people are normalizing furries
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
