How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
