I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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