People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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