i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
