Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
