i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
