Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
