no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
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She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
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This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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