I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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