During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
