Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
