thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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