you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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