i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
